The death of someone you know is always difficult. Many people respond and handle it in different ways. Having a loving support can always make it easier to deal with so that you don’t have to feel all alone. Chances are that most adults know someone who has passed away whether it was a family member, friend or loved one. Perhaps someone in one of the groups, meetings, organizations or associations has passed away. Regardless of your relationship to them, hearing about the death of someone is never easier. But how do you cope with the death of the Coworker? This may be just as difficult and may present its own set of difficulties based on your relationship with the person. However, there are some ways that you can be of assistance to them at work. If you had a closer relationship with them you may also be able to provide some type of assistance to their family. Figuring out what to do, not do, whether to send gifts and what type of gifts would be appropriate to send are things you may be wondering about. We’ll go ahead and address these topics today.
When a coworker dies, other coworkers usually find out from work emails, at work meetings, by announcements from management or perhaps word of mouth. Even the method that this is shared can have an impact on other coworkers. Your prior relationship will most likely effect how this affects you and your response. Companies handle this in different ways too. Some companies may hold a moment of silence, allow time during a meeting for employees to process and share thoughts, purchase a card to be sent with messages from coworkers or send flowers to the home or funeral. Unfortunately, some companies may not do anything.
How to Handle Death in the Workplace
How you handle the death of a coworker will depend on the type of relationship you had with them. You may find yourself crying, tearful, easily distracted, moody and emotional. You may even get angry. All these feelings are natural. Everyone has a right to their own feelings, you just want to make sure that they are not causing harm to yourself, harm to others or damage to things.
…With Close Coworkers
If it was a close coworker or someone in your small work group, chances are it will have a greater impact on you. Being in meetings, seeing their empty desk and not hearing their voice will be difficult. You may choose to keep the same routine or maybe you’d like to switch it up. This could mean finding another coworker to chat with in the mornings, other people to eat lunch with during lunchtime or even taking a different path to or from your desk. Only you can decide what is best for you. Changing your routine at work is okay and will not take away from them. Perhaps you worked on a project with them. You may find yourself having to do all or some of their work due to their position not being filled yet. At times, this may make you mad. You may find yourself getting angry with them over this, then feeling guilty for being angry and next just breaking down due to being sad and realizing that they truly are no longer here anymore. What you’re feeling is normal. Try to think of some things that you can do. This could mean developing something in their honor, naming something after them or seeing if their picture could be posted somewhere even if it’s only temporary.
If they were a close coworker, you could find ways to be helpful to their family outside of work. You could call their family to check in on them, drop off some food, offer to babysit, offer to walk or watch their pets or even offer to just water their plants. Perhaps you could volunteer your skills such as working in their garden, fixing a project they were working on doing or doing some small home repairs. All these things would be appropriate for a close coworker. However, you’ll still want to call ahead and seek permission first.
…With Non-Close Coworkers
What if the coworker is someone you’re not close with, didn’t care for or didn’t like? You’re still entitled to your feelings and you also want to make sure you’re not expressing your negative feelings about their death to others. Try to be considerate and empathic to other coworkers who are mourning or feeling sad. If you’d like, you may be a good candidate to assist with their workload, be able to focus better and able to make objective decisions. If a card is being passed around for coworkers to sign, feel free to sign it or not sign it. If everyone is pitching in for a gift, feel free to add something or not. These are still your choices. I would just encourage you to only do what you feel comfortable doing. Not doing anything does not make you a bad person or any less of a human being either.
…With Managers, Supervisors, Directors, CEOs…
Now what if it is the death of a supervisor, director or CEO. What would this mean? Well this may mean different things depending on whether it’s a small company or a huge business. In small companies, employees tend be closer knit, work closer together and probably see each other daily. They may even have a family culture. While in huge companies, employees don’t tend to have the same relationship with each other. Chances are each employee has their own individual type of relationship with their supervisors or directors. If a card is being passed around, that could be a great opportunity to write a personalized message. Or maybe you’d rather purchase a card separately to be sent. If nothing is being done and you’d like to do something, but not sure what get together with some coworkers to come up with something. Maybe something could be sent from your team or department. Make sure you don’t make any other coworkers feel bad if they chose not to contribute or can’t contribute. Remember everyone may or may not have had a relationship with the supervisor or director. If could even be more awkward if they didn’t even know the person. Try not to judge others on their emotions or lack emotions. Everyone processes grief in their own way. It affects them in different ways too.
Questions About the Funeral
Some companies may choose to announce or give out the funeral information for the death of a coworker. This may arise many questions. Do you attend the wake, the viewing, the funeral or all of them? Does your work schedule allow it? Can you afford to take time off? Do you want to use some PTO to attend the funeral? These decisions may cause many emotions. Once again, you should do what you feel is best for you to do. If you’d like to attend the funeral and can, go ahead and attend. Perhaps you could see if other coworkers are also attending and either carpool or sit together. If you don’t have work time, consider taking to a supervisor to explore other options such as working late another night or doing some work on the weekend to make up the hours. You could also just attend the wake. If you attend the funeral, it’s understandable if you cannot stay to the repast. Everyone has different circumstance that will affect their decision. Try not to be too hard on yourself for whatever decision you make either.
Appropriate Gifts to Give or Send Coworkers
Perhaps you were just unable to attend the wake and repast; but would like to send a gift. You may be wondering what to send or what type of gift would be appropriate to send. There are many gifts that you could send or give. The most common thing to send would be flowers. An alternative would be to send a plant or even flower seeds, if it’s a good fit for them. Food is always a great option to send. It could be in the form of home cooked meals, home cooked dishes or even groceries. One suggestion would be a meal delivery service such as Blue Apron or Hello Fresh, Home Chef or Sun Basket. Another suggestion would be to utilize a food delivery service such DoorDash, Ubereats, Grubhub, or Postmates to send food to your coworker’s home or their family’s home. Another great option is gift cards or gas cards. Some suggestions for services to send or arrange for could be lawn maintenance, cleaning service (dishes, laundry, bathrooms, house overall). In addition, there may be some gifts that may not be the best option to send during the death of a coworker; these include cash, alcohol, joke gifts and alcohol. When sending gifts or services to the home or family of a coworker who has passed away, it is best to err on the side caution.
You may also need to contact another coworker to obtain their contact information first. I would suggest calling or having someone call for you to get permission ahead of time just in case before sending anything. Maybe there is someone you know who could drop it off to your coworker’s home or family. You’ll want to be mindful or your coworker and their family’s privacy.
Additional Grief Options
As we mentioned, the death of a worker will affect employees and staff in different ways. Some will be more effected that others. Everyone processes grieve in their own way and on their own timeline. It may be extremely hard to continue going to work and having to work as usual. If this becomes too intense, you do have other options. Grief and loss counseling is a great way to deal with death. You could contact your Human Resources department to use your Employee Assistance Program’s benefits to pay for this, use your health insurance or do private pay for counseling. Additional options are participating in grief counseling, attending a grief group or even having a counselor come to your workplace to speak.
